Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Bad dreams

I hate the feeling of regret.

Coming up on two years ago, I had a bad dream about an old friend. I spent several days worrying about this person before I finally googled their name, thinking I might be able to find an email address or some way to get in touch with them. I wanted to make sure they were okay. I wanted to tell them I was thinking of them.

The very first result Google gave me was a link to this person's obituary. They had been speeding around a sharp curve in the dark of night and died instantly when their car failed to make the turn and hit a tree. It had happened only a few weeks earlier.

It took me a long time to get over that.

Last night I had another bad dream. It was terrible actually. In my dream, another old friend from my high school days was strung out on drugs and tried to kill me. This person was someone with whom I used to be close, someone I loved, but I had lost touch with them when I moved away from my hometown.

You can understand why I checked Google immediately when I woke up this morning. As far as I can tell, my friend is still alive. After my initial relief, however, the regrets came pouring in. Why didn't I keep in touch? Why wasn't I a better friend? Why can't I protect and take care of and save the whole entire world? Why, why, why?


This leads me to the message I'm trying to internalize today. Actually, there are two messages, and they are directed at myself, but maybe some of you can relate so I will share them with you all as well:
1) You are not in control of the world. God is.
2) Don't think you'll get another chance. Sometimes you don't.

It's kind of a downer of a message but maybe that's appropriate for a cold, dreary day like today. And maybe it's to be expected after a long night of bad dreams. But I don't want to keep looking back and having to wonder: Why? Or worse: What if? Do you?

If you have someone in your life you've been meaning to reach out to or something you've been meaning to say or do - don't put it off any longer. Don't keep waiting for the perfect opportunity. Because there's nothing worse than regret.

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